Speak jibberish? Open a baby store!

I usually know better than to take heed of the mania in Park Slope on a weekend. In an effort to make a fast getaway from the co-op, I chose a fairly quiet back route. However, what I found was yet another baby/toddler geared store. Excuse me, I know everyone is laying a kid egg these days, but seriously, how much crap does a baby need?! Just a quick jaunt down Fifth Ave. in Brooklyn teaches one that clearly, babies need a lot of stuff. They need it cute, they need it pricey and they NEED IT NOW!!!

Naturally, these new spawn stores are trying to capture the eye and the imagination of the happy parents. One way is with a whimsical window display. Yet another is with a whimsical store name. I am sure I passed one called Puddlechunks or WoodenPickles...I am so sure.... but who cares!? There are so many ridiculous store names geared towards the softening skulls of parents-to-be out there. Why hasn't some scientistdoctorperson done a study on the direct relationship between disappearing gray matter and stages of mitosis?

In the mean time, I have done a little research of my own. Following are my top 5 baby furniture store names---all in Brooklyn!

5. Pride Sandman Inc (Sounds like a riot, this place.)
4. Katz in the Cradle (No WASP babies, please. They just fall right out of the cradle.)
3. Baby Gear (Because babies love hiking and/or drugs, eg heroin.)
2. Sovereign Furniture Baby Furniture (Furniture fit for a little monarch!)
1. Everything But the Baby (This is definitely my favorite. How many times does the showroom manager have to explain that no, they don't have babies up for grabs. "Sorry ma'am, no...just the furniture. No babies.")

Next week: Maternity stores. Really, should anyone further than 3 months up the spout really even be allowed outside? I think not! Much less, should they be expected to look good?